Insight for Today

This morning we woke up at 6:45 to begin getting ready for school. Justin jumped in the shower and I sat in Lyndi's room nursing as I listened to the girls get ready. For no apparent reason, Keanna began to stomp, screech, and cry. I sat in the next room gritting my teeth as my nerves began to wind into a tighter knot. I unlatched Lyndi and approached the situation with a lack of calmness and much frustration. My first approach, I asked as kindly as possible "Whats wrong" her reply was "I don't know." I continued nursing Lyndi and Keanna continued the tantrum. Again, I sat in Lyndi's room clenching my fists with frustration. I called Keanna into Lyndi's room and told her to "knock it off," her response was "I don't know how to knock it off." Keanna returned to her room and continued to pout,cry and scream.

Luckily, Justin emereged from the bathroom and quickly took note of the situation. There is a reason Justin has 4 girls he is amazingly patient and insightful. He asked Keanna if she were dying, if her dog had died, if she were hurt and added a couple silly questions. She answered No to all of his questions and with a bout of laughter, Justin was able to calm the waters. (I am postive my family members are chuckling as of now, I believe I remember myself acting in a similar matter, sorry).

We continued with the morning routine, getting dressed, doing hair and while the girls sat in the dining room eating breakfast I whispered to Justin my fears of the drama assoicated with raising 3 girls! Keanna finished breakfast and went upstairs to brush her teeth.

"Mom" Keanna stood at the top of the stairs with a new found understanding of the complexities of her life "I know why Hailey isn't playing with me at recess..." at this moment I too had an insight on her previous morning tantrum. The anxities Keanna felt about going to school and approaching this "friend triangle" pushed her over the edge this morning. Not even Keanna understood her sorrowful feelings, all she knew is that, they were there. Tender in age, Keanna is still learning how to appropriately express those confusing sad feelings.

Keanna and I briefly talked about her problem at school and after she left I continued to contimplate my own parenting revelation. I remember in one of my Family Therapy classes my professor talked about when couples fight over silly things, they really aren't fighting over the present situation. The problem usually goes much deeper. Keanna really wasn't yelling because Ayla looked at her wrong, but Keanna was anxious about what would happen at school today. I need to look much deeper, is there something at home, school or in the community such as the swine flue, that might be upsetting. Last week Keanna was "acting up" and I soon realized she was scarred about the Swine Flu , I didn't realize she knew about this virus. Keanna was afraid Lyndi's cold would result in death.

I believe this is why Keanna and other children might tantrum for no apparent reason.
Instead of reacting to the screams of my child I should listen for the hidden problem causing the scream.By having this insight I hope to approach these tantrums a little differently. I hope by writing this down it will help me remember today's parenting insight and maybe give someone else a little insight on their child's tantrum.